Baptism

This weekend, in addition to celebrating Charlie's 2nd birthday, we also celebrated my baptism. It's something I've thought about doing for a few years, but I finally knew the time was right. We have found an awesome church community that God has used to make a lot of things finally "click" for me. Before being baptized, I had to share my testimony with the church. I figure, what's the point of sharing it with 750 people whom I'm barely know, if I don't also share it with my friends and family. So here it is:

Growing up, I always knew about God and Jesus, but Jesus was just someone who was a really good person whom we should all try to emulate, and God was a judge who doled out reward or punishment based on our actions, and if we tried hard enough we would go to heaven. In high school I began to realize it was a little more than that; God desired a relationship with me through his son Jesus. I feel like God was calling me as one of His own during these high school years, and at an FCA retreat I made a prayer of commitment to Him.

It’s been a long 15 years since then, and I feel like I’m actually just now understanding what that means. Even though I understood in my head that Jesus paid the only price for my salvation, and I desired a personal relationship with Him, I still tried to earn it on my good behavior. I’ve always been a “good” person by the world’s standards so I don’t think I truly realized my need for the cross. I still tried to impress God by being good. As if I can impress Him! And all the while, He was waiting for me to stop looking at what I had done, and instead look at what He had done.

I think I did things kind of backwards. I accepted God’s saving grace before I really knew what I needed saving from. But throughout the last year, through a move, the birth of our second child and getting connected here at The Village, God led me to a place that exposed my sin. He exposed my pride. My failure to show grace to His people. My putting faith in things other than Him: my husband, my kids, my success. He exposed my arrogance in thinking that I could make it through this life and on to the next because I was better than everyone else.

So that brings me to today, where I am on my knees asking again for God’s forgiveness and for Him to sanctify me. Not because I deserve it, but because I don’t.